uninspired aspirations.

I’ve been struggling to find inspiration to shoot lately, letting my camera sit unused for weeks at a time. I finally broke it out a few days ago, but not due to inspiration. I think sometimes we need to do things even if we aren’t inspired to do them. There’s a part of us that is aspiring to create and that part of us needs to be fed even when we don’t feel like feeding it. Anyways, here’s some randomness from the past couple days of force-feeding that part of me.

fasting.

Fasting is the practice of abstaining from something, usually food, in order to intentionally replace it with seeking God through prayer, reading, and worship. It’s a huge part of the Judeo-Christian tradition and has been pretty much since the dawn of time. Throughout the old and new testament you can read about those who fasted (1 Samuel 7:6, 2 Samuel 1:12, 2 Chronicles 20:30, Ezra 8:21, Nehemiah 1:4 and 9:1, Psalms 109:24, Jonah 3:5, Joel 2:15, Zechariah 7:5 and 8:19, Acts 13:2-3, Acts 14:23, and 1 Corinthians 7:5, just to name a few references) and how it impacted them and those around them.

Late on Sunday night I really felt as though God was asking me to fast. Anyone who has fasted will tell you that it’s an incredible journey of learning and growing. Something beautiful happens when you strip yourself of what you deem necessary to get through the day. I’m fasting for five days, consuming nothing but water, juice, and tea. It’s been hard, for sure, but I’ve been able to spend so much more intentional time in prayer with my Savior and He has definitely showed me some things through this time that I would like to share with you.

In Matthew 6, Jesus tells us that “when you fast, anoint your head and wash your face, that your fasting may not be seen by others but by your Father who is in secret.” I don’t want this post to come across as me screaming for attention and seeming like I feel holier than thou because I happen to be fasting. No. Please don’t take it like that. I’ve simply learned things through this time in my life that I would like to share with you…

I “need” too much.
As aforementioned, food is something that is deemed necessary to get through the day. This isn’t true at all. I mean, I’ve been without food for four days and there are plenty of people, including Jesus Himself, who have gone without food for forty or more days. This realization has opened my eyes to see how many other things I don’t really need, or at least I don’t need as much of as I think I do. I mean, if I’m okay with food, what else am I also okay without? I have a strong desire to live a simple life. Our society screams its arguments against that and makes it very difficult to live out in a practical fashion, but that desire is still there and this fast has only caused it to grow. Basically, I just don’t want to be controlled by the things of this world. Practicing intentional self-denial allows me to see what controls me.

I take too much for granted.
I think that every one of us would say this is true about them. The old adage, “you never know what you’ve got ’til it’s gone,” has never seemed more real to me than these last few days. Food is probably the thing I take for granted the most. Well, maybe oxygen, but food is a close second (and since I can’t very well fast from breathing, food will have to do). It is such a strange, strange feeling to not eat. I feel so entitled to the act of putting food into my body and it feels straight up wrong to not do it. Going without food has helped me become more thankful for everything else.

Not very profound thoughts, I know. I would strongly encourage you to try fasting and experience these realizations first-hand. I promise that you’ll have a much stronger connection and agreement with my thoughts than you do now. These things that I’ve talked about are only side-effects and byproducts of the much more important and realistic aspect of fasting, and that is getting to spend real, raw, emptied-of-yourself time with God. Brian Taylor puts it like this in Becoming Christ: “Self-denial is profoundly contemplative for it works by the process of human subtraction and divine addition.”

This is so true. When we empty ourselves, we are then able to be filled with God and what He chooses to place in us is so much greater than what we had placed there.

she’s my sunshine.

Nicola is such a blessing in my life.

I really like taking pictures of her. She hates it. The combination renders some great photos, most of which she’ll probably be upset with me for putting on here; fake upset, that is. Not real upset.   =]

When I get the camera out, our exchanges go something like this:

“No.”

“Please?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“No.”

“Nico-”

“No.”

And for that reason, I am putting up this next shot. I do admit that putting this one up is a little cruel, but it brings such joy to my life whenever I look at it. Hopefully it will do the same for you and Nicola can really respect me simply wanting to bring joy to all of your lives. Hopefully.

I like her.

white balance.

So, every night when I go to bed I turn my lamp on. I can’t decide if I like having my lamp on or if I just really like having my buzzing, hissing, migraine-inducing florescent light off. Either way, the lamp goes on. The bulb for this particular lamp produces a very yellow tinted light. In fact, I don’t know if I can really say that it’s tinted; it’s drenched in yellow. This doesn’t bother me after a while, because my brain kind of sets its white balance and starts seeing the yellow light as just plain, white light. I might be about to really stretch things here, but this is a realization that I came to tonight.

After I turned off my lamp, I plugged in my phone to charge (seems backwards, I know, but it’s routine). When my phone gets plugged in, it shows a white screen. I noticed tonight for the first time that the white light that was being produced looked very, very blue. Being (kind of) a photographer, I instantly knew why: my eyes had been seeing the yellow light for so long. It’s like setting the white balance on your camera for shooting in a gymnasium and then not changing it once you go to shoot outside on a snowy day. The snow is going to look like it’s been painted blue.

Because I had been drenching my eyes in this yellow light from my lamp, the white light from my phone was seen differently. Here’s my maybe stretched thought: what we choose to drench ourselves in will have a significant impact on the way we see everything else.

I recently decided to take a break from the Bible reading plan that I was working through. It was just your standard “read through the Bible in a year” deal, and I was pretty close to being through it too (I’ll finish someday). I just felt the passion and need to focus specifically on the Gospels, to really soak up the words of Jesus. I’m planning on going through the four sacred books at least a couple times over the next month. I didn’t expect (although I really should have) for there to be such an impact so quickly, but I’m only almost through Matthew on my first read and I’m noticing a significant difference in my life. Maybe not in my actions quite yet, but in the way that I view things. I’m choosing to drench myself in the teachings of Jesus and that is allowing me view the world differently than I did just a week ago. It’s beautiful.

I apologize for the seemingly forced analogy, but I am the son of a pastor. It’s just something that I noticed and felt led to share with anybody who may read. What you choose to to drench yourself in, what you choose to watch, listen to, read, etc., will have a significant impact on the way you see everything else. And you may not be spending your time with things that are necesarily “bad” or “evil,” but if it’s not good, if it’s not allowing you to have a positive impact in the lives of others and love on everyone around you, what’s the point?

sometimes, photography < poetry.

Batter my heart, three-person’d God ; for you
As yet but knock ; breathe, shine, and seek to mend ;
That I may rise, and stand, o’erthrow me, and bend
Your force, to break, blow, burn, and make me new.
I, like an usurp’d town, to another due,
Labour to admit you, but O, to no end.
Reason, your viceroy in me, me should defend,
But is captived, and proves weak or untrue.
Yet dearly I love you, and would be loved fain,
But am betroth’d unto your enemy ;
Divorce me, untie, or break that knot again,
Take me to you, imprison me, for I,
Except you enthrall me, never shall be free,
Nor ever chaste, except you ravish me.

 

John Donne, Holy Sonnet 14

hello, winter.

I really enjoy good transitions.

Change is fine. I can deal with change. I just really like the transition to be tasteful. This is a fact that can be applied to any part of my life, whether it be big things (such as moving to a different state) or seemingly pointless things (like switching songs before one is done–fade it out!).

This year’s transition between fall and winter has been really nice, in Minnesota at least. The warmth of summer hung on tightly throughout the fall months and even well into November. But, as anybody could have guessed, it had to come to an end.

Here are a few photographs through which I am officially saying goodbye to fall and hello to winter.

new lens.

So I purchased a new lens for my camera a couple weeks ago (a Canon 50mm 1.4 for those of you who know/care). My old, cheap kit lens had broken a while ago, so it was definitely a necessary purchase. I had no idea how big of a difference the lens made. I mean, I had always heard and read that it’s more about the lens, less about the actual camera body–but wow. Anyways, here are some photos from my tests (click to see full size).

too long.

Hey all (by “all” I’m referring to the multitudes of peeps who are reading this) ,

I’m not even going to say “it’s been a while,” no, that would be a disgusting understatement. It’s been way too long. That’s okay though. I saw that I had a single visitor today and that was all the motivation I needed to post this update blog. Not like, a life update. But just an update on this blog.

I’ve decided to turn this thing into a photoblog of sorts. By that I pretty much mean a place to show photographs that I’ve taken and possibly tell stories if the photograph contains a story to be told.

That’s all. Hopefully you’ll be seeing some photos soon!

-christian.